A Day At The Grocery Store

This post goes directly out to every mother who has had to take their children to the grocery store. I avoid doing this like the plague... I have a certain time frame during the day that is best to load up the car and take allll the boys with me... if I miss that time frame I am more likely to work with what i have in my pantry, or go out to eat instead of facing grocery shopping with the boys. MOTHERS, PLEASE TELL ME YOU FEEL MY PAIN!!




If at this time you are saying to yourself, "Self, I don't have any earthy idea what she is talking about? Doesn't like taking her children to the grocery store? INSANE! I LOVE IT!".... then you have been blessed. I on the other hand, would rather do many torturous things besides this... (like have bamboo shoots shot behind my fingernails, for example).

A typical day at the grocery store begins with me unbuckling Jaxon from his carseat and Carter jumping out of his seat and taking off for the front seat where i usually have gum or something he can dump...(like juice). So I begin by speaking quietly and calmly because i have resolved myself that this trip will be different and I will speak calmly and rationally the whole time. We get into the store and I get all the boys situated.. Carter is beg to get a bit older so I have recently begun allowing him to walk along side the buggy and not sit in the back (besides it gives me more room to fill up the back). Our journey begins with me looking at my list and deciding to get toiletries first... After I have soap, toilet paper and maybe even some shaving cream the cries to go and see the fish begin. I don't try to keep my boys from doing fun things, but if i take them to see the fish that is 15 min i loose before a melt down begins...so we press on.




Lucas says after shopping for 7 min, "are we done? b/c my legs are about to fall off!" I again CALMLY say no and hit the baby isle for baby food, sippy cups and 4 more packs of binkies (because I can't seem to hold onto more than 2 at any given time). By now carter is running thru the clothes and a woman has even been so kind as to return my sweet little one to me without me even realizing he has been gone for 2 seconds while i load diapers into the buggy. So calmly, but forcefully, i tell the boys, "boys, please don't leave the buggy, mommy doesn't want to loose you." they say yes ma'am, I smile because today is going better than others and move to the milk... I tackle the dairy section without much problem and think.. "hey, we are doing okay today." We even get to chips, cereal and baking goods... Then comes the cracker isle. Besides the millions of items the boys want to eat and just have to have..., "Carter has helped himself to a box of fruit snacks (i guess we are buying that kind today!) And Jaxon has lost his cool so I am frantically opening a package of gold fish to sedate the little guy. (yes i am one of those mother's who feed her children while shopping in the store).




So just to recap all that has happened thus far, carter has dumped juice in the car, I lost carter in 30 seconds flat, Lucas' legs are about to fall off, and we now have half a pack of gold fish gone, not because jaxon has eaten all of them, but because we now have a trail of gold fish following us from the cracker isle. By now I'm flustered.. my face is red, i'm hot, i'm irritated and carter decides to run to the next isle.. of course i can't let him run off... there are all sorts of crazies out there.. so I take 5 steps from the buggy to grap him and BOOM jax is on the floor. YOU HEARD IT... my little jaxon has managed to wiggle himself out of those seat belts that don't hold worth a darn, stood up and decided to make a swan dive face first onto the dirty walmart floor, %!@*... while lucas says..."Jaxon, why are you on the floor, buddy?" -even though he watched the whole thing unfold. Jaxon, my dramatic child of course is taking 30 second inhales between screams to really let me have it, and everyone in the store (including those in hunting and game) are looking around wondering why in the world amanda would bring her children to the grocery store?!?!!? Hasn't that girl learned her lesson??!?!?!!

I check to make sure he is okay and more than anything...now he's just mad. I turn the corner to the Canned Food Isle and who do I run into but *betty who lives down the street... (*name has been changed to protect the innocent), there's no avoiding her. if so, you know you'll be the conversation of the old ladies who live on your street and we can't have that... "oh, hi betty.(i hear mostly the sound that you hear when the teacher speaks on charlie brown, wah, wah, wahhh) Yes, yes, I'm fine, and you? How's your mother doing? (wah, wah) Oh, yes they are growing up so fast (referring to my boys)" and just as she begins to say they are too cute for words Jaxon begins to dump gold fish and carter is now throwing things out of the buggy at sweet little old betty... She smiles and acts as if it was okay... I quickly apologize and insist i move on before more emotional damage is done to my neighborhood reputation.. "no wonder her children's toys are laying all over their yard... those people are heathens!" is what she's thinking, i'm sure!


**as a side note, if i do see you in the grocery store, please don't think i am being unfriendly or avoiding you to be rude. I am avoiding you, just because if i stay and chat.. my children are likely to begin throwing produce at you and i am loosing valuable time and i want to leave and get home ASAP**

So now that i am the laughing stock of my street, DHR will be contacting my for loosing a child and letting another fall out of the buggy, and the call on the intercom for the "CLEAN UP OF GOLD FISH ON ISLES 5-9" i decide i will need to make due with what i have and I'M OUTTA HERE! How do mother duck's do it.. they make it seem so easy... =)




So we go to check out, carter begins to grab gum and shove as many pieces into his mouth (paper and all) before i can swipe his mouth clean (with my hands that have been touching a gross walmart buggy, but it's either that or the hymlick later on...) Lucas thinks all the little fall apart toys are so amazing and he "really NEEDS one, pretty please, pretty please pretty please!!" By now I am not speaking calmly, rationally, or even quietly... I am yelling, "LUCAS, STAND NEXT TO THE BUGGY AND STOP TOUCHING! CARTER SPIT THAT CANDY BAR OUT NOW (where mommy?), ON THE FLOOR!!" and jaxon, who hasn't learned his lesson, is trying to climb onto the convey er belt and punch all the numbers as i try to input my pin for my debit for the 4th time because i can't remember the number due to the lack of sanity running thru my brain!!




I get home, lucas unloads the groceries, both boys are in bed, and I just stand there... WHAT AN HOUR!! And as joe comes home and opens the fridge and says, "uh didn't you just go to the grocery store, why don't we have a full fridge?" It's all i can do to not burst into tears and say.."BECAUSE YOUR CHILDREN WOULDN'T LET ME FINISH MY GROCERY SHOPPING!!"