The Beez-Neez!!!

It's easter time and i couldn't be happier because of these babies....

and i will eat as many as i can get my greedy little paws on until the store is out!!!! I DON''T WANT CATBURRY EGGS, CHOCOLATE BUNNIES, OR MARSHMELLO LOOKING BIRDS....

I don't want jelly belly, jolly rancher, or gross generic beans.... I'M A LITTLE VERUCA SALT ON THIS ONE

Veruca Salt:

Gooses! Geeses!

I want my geese to lay gold eggs for Easter

Mr. Salt:

It will, sweetheart

Veruca:

At least a hundred a day

Mr.Salt:

Anything you say

Veruca:

And by the way

Mr. Salt:

What?

Veruca:

I want a feast.

Mr. Salt:

You ate before you came to the factory

Veruca:

I want a (STARBURST JELLY) "bean" feast!

Mr. Salt:

Oh, one of those

Veruca:

Cream buns and doughnuts and fruitcake with no nuts

So good you could go nuts

Mr. Salt:

You can have all those things when you get home

Veruca:

No, now!!

I want a ball

I want a party

Pink macaroons and a million balloons

And performing baboons and ...

Give it to me

Rrhh rhhh

Now!

I want the world

I want the whole world

I want to lock it all up in my pocket

It's my bar of chocolate

Give it to me

Now!

I want today

I want tomorrow

I want to wear 'em like braids in my hair

And I don't want to share 'em

I want a party with room fulls of laughter

Ten thousand tons of ice cream

And if I don't get the things I am after

I'm going to scream!

I want the works

I want the whole works

Presents and prizes and sweets and surprises

Of all shapes and sizes

And now

Don't care how

I want it now

Don't care how

I want it now

my new project

I have been working on a new project this week. I have a new blog that is completely seperate from this one. It is much more general when it comes to names. It's funny stories about my boys. I'm working on my button now, and the site is still under construction, but i am starting to post stories. Check it out. Tell me what you think. Once i get situated with my new site, I will make this one private. I will ask for emails when the time gets closer.

my link isn't working. here's the address:

funnymommystories.blogspot.com

ode to the mother

being a mother is sacrifice. being a mother is hard work. being a mother is never giving up. being a mother means your heart will hurt. being a mother means your heart will love. being a mother means you will worry.



being a mother means you will clean the same windows over and over again of little finger smudges. being a mother means laundry that is never ending. being a mother means you will always wonder..."Am i doing this right?". being a mother means when a knee is scuffed or someone is unkind... you are the one who can make it all better. being a mother means you will always need more sleep than you get.



being a mother is discovering life's simple pleasures like the moon, birds, and wet grass on bare feet all over again. being a mother means even though yesterday was mother's day, we still have the obligation to those who can't do for themselves, and that nobody does it like mommy. being a mother means teaching your children the works of our Heavenly Father and the Love of our Savior Jesus Christ. being a mother is joy. being a mother can bring sorrow. being a mother means the same mess will be cleaned day in and day out without pay checks or certificates that say.. EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH!



being a mother means that while I am typing this I am also cleaning my kitchen, fixing lunch, and stopped to give hugs and kisses three times already.

there is nothing so sweet as the joy of being a mother.

To my mother, my grandmother, and my great friends that help teach me to be a mother... I LOVE YOU! Together we can truly rejoice and understand what mother's day is truly about, because we understand what BEING A MOTHER means.

Flirting with Middle School Boys

These pictures are totally random from my library of blackberry photos. But i wanted my readers to have something pretty to look at, so... VIOLA.. You have pics we take in the car while driving. Lucas loves my phone and is always taking random pictures of people that pull up next to us at red lights or of his crazy mother who poses for the camera in "crazy girl" fashion. Joe swears i can't take a normal pic to save my life... perhaps this is true.

Last week lucas was running late for school. So i had to take him into the office. Because we have now reached the end of the school year I feel like I have become pretty acquainted with the office staff and other administrators at his school. This particular morning i came into the office to sign him in and it was right when students are dropping off lunch counts for the day and other notes so the area surrounding the desk was pretty crowded. On the sign-in sheet i have to put STUDENT NAME, MY NAME, REASON FOR BEING LATE, AND THE TIME... When i went to fill in the time I looked up to the clock, but it was blocked by a young 6th or 7th grade boy. So i smiled and i twiddled my fingers to motion for him to move his head. He responded with a smile and a little finger twiddle back (to say hello i guess). So I responded again with a smile but did more of a shoving motion with my hands (like i was parting the red sea) to get the boy to move, but he just continued to smile and gaze into my (now irritated) brown eyes. This went on a few times til finally I realized I would need to be forceful, so i said, "hey kid, can you move your bean so i can see what time it is!" .....I'm kidding... I wanted to say that, but my polite upbringing made me respond with, "excuse me darlin, I need to get the time off the clock your head is blocking, would you please move to your right...." He looked a bit disoriented and his shoulders did drop an inch or two, but the fact that I am signing a child into class should of been an indicator that I'M JUST A LITTLE TOO OLD!... nonetheless, I am often told i still look like a middle schooler and i will be happy if i can keep this look til i'm fifty (C'mon oil of olay...work your magic!) My fingers are crossed. But for now, it made for a great laugh with the other office ladies and a nice giggle for me on the way home.

The moral of this story is that when I need to get the attention of a middle school boy, I need to pull a face like this:





And I will definitely get his attention!!

October Birthday Boy, Parades, FarmTime, and Halloween Costumes

I don't have much time to post so here goes... again, please don't check for grammatical errors!!! October was a crazy month, just like the other 9 months we have had thus far this year... I'm so glad we are entering November and December, You know, the slowest time for everyone...!!!! (eye roll)... If i am not in the docs office being heavily medication for craziness you and I both will be surprised!! So here are some October highlights:

1.October began hot like every other October in the south. (Yes my boys are standing on cars that could roll at any minute, and yes i do encourage this for good photo opps!) (and yes my children are wearing nice polo shirts while running around in their diapers and underweat underneath... it's the preppy/wt look...)(and yes lucas is picking his nose in the backgroud of the first picture!!)



The boys are not only standing on something they can fall off of... THEY ARE DANCING TO THE BEAT!!



2.Lucas came home with his 9week report card with perfect marks across the board and a note from his teacher begging me to keep him in school for the remainder of the year and that the admin would work with us in keeping him in good standing with attendance. (**explains why i was going to take him out, if you already know, skip the next paragraph)

**as a side note, for any of you that don't already know, we had some trips planned before the school year that have and will take him out of school, which really racks up on the attendence charts. The schools are really cracking down on how many days your child misses school and have quite the severe punishments if your child is not there (ie, saturday school, meeting with admin, and truency court ?!?!?!?!) While i understand that rules must be in place, it stinks when your child is bored in school and makes good grades. So my plan was to pull him out this last month, but it looks as though he will stay thru the year!!)**

So it looks as though Lucas will stay in school for now, which does leave me more time to focus on my two little bizzybees at home!!

3.Joe and the boys went to a local farm day... complete with BOILED PNUTS... yummy yummy!!







3.Carter locked his brother in the car for over an hour!! Long story short, I buckled jaxon into the car went into the house and told carter to jump in his seat... Carter somehow missed the part where i said "get in and stay in" in the 20 times i yelled it, and jumped in hit the automatic lock button and jumped out... WITH MY KEYS STILL IN THE CAR! NICE! Luckily it was a relatively cool day and the temp was not bad. I called and got a locksmith out while trying to explain in my sweet mother but panic voice to PLEASE HURRY, MY CHILD IS INSIDE! After 50 min and not having anyone here i called back to find a new dispatch gal on the phone telling me she had no clue their was a baby and that no one had even left yet to come to my house... SO I BECAME UNGLUED AND BEGAN TO CRY AND YELL AT THEIR INCOMPITENCE AND HOW CAN YOU BE IN BUSINESS TONE! Come to find out she was just totally out of the loop and a locksmith was in fact on his way and was there shortly after. Once the ordeal was done and i was feeling my limbs once again my friend told me that if you have a child locked in the car that the police will come and take care of it... I'M SURE THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN A LOT QUICKER! But Jaxon was a trooper and wasn't even upset until the end. THANK HEAVENS!

4.On the 26 we celebrated Jaxon's 2nd birthay!! woot woot!! He is such a joy! He speaks like crazy and is very quick witted...(ofcours i feel that way about all my children, but this #3 takes the cake on quick learner!)... he begs to go to the bathroom and I refuse... (I'll save that for another post)he speaks and knows his numbers and colors better than 2, and is so cute "i just want to smash his face!"... it's a term of endearment the hubby uses on him when he squeezes his cheecks together.. it makes jaxon squeal with joy when we do it... POOR CHILD!

5.Our town had a local parade that we went to watch with friends.



me and kimberly...

me and maria... who actually went into labor later that day!!!


6.For most that know me, I enjoy keeping my boys matching or coordinating. Because lucas is at school all day and in a different clothes section all together, I generally try to just keep him in the same color patterns if i can help it... so naturally i like them to have a theme for halloween. This year i was late in my prep and was racking my brain up til the week before halloween and our church's trunk of treating... I came up with a Dr. Seuss theme... Lucas was going to be the cat in the hat and carter and jaxon were going to be "thing 1" and "thing 2"... when i told lucas of my decision lucas said to me..."aw, i really wanna be a ninja"... to which i replied too bad you'll be the cat in the hat... deal! (in kinder convincing words) to which he agreed (bad mother i know!!!, it's just like when i guilted him into being terrified one more time by going on tower of terror with my at disney the month before.... SHAME ON YOU, AMANDA!!) But joe did intervene, He heard the conversation and told me i couldn't make lucas be something he didn't want to be all in the name of matching... so lucas was a ninja and IIIII was THE CAT IN THE HAT! Joe was totally right and it turned out very cute indeed. I didn'm make lucas' costume, but i did make the boys and my costume... Here's the final result!!






**by the end of the night, both boys were suffering from hair loss, they were leaving remnants of blue hair on each door step they crossed... kindda like leaving a momento behind, something to be remembered by!!!

**on a side note... i was impressed at the quality of candy this year... lately it seems we have been inendated with smarties and dum dums...(blek) but this year we filled bowls and bowls with snickers, hershey's, skittles, and other GOOD STUFF!

I also planned a huge baby shower for my dear friend maria with her mother sybil. We spent hours and hours planning and I spent mega time making my curtains and covering some chairs i purchased... I'll post those pix soon...!!!

**okay spell check isn't working so i am throwing this online without any form of proof reading... =(

Running Golf Carts into Buildings, Eye Watering Talks, and Uncle Ryan

Okay, before I get harassed by Tracy with a dirty notification that it has once again been too long since my last blog, I will make some time while babies are napping and my clean laundry piles on my bed higher and higher to do a quick post... Quick??? who am i kidding... blogging is never quick. By the time you write, re-read, edit, download pix... then figure out which picture goes under each text... you are looking at atleast an hour.... so here's an hour just for you tracy dear, and anyone else who follows the crazy life i lead....

Almost two months ago, joe began taking time to go golfing every friday after lunch. He can get 18 holes done just as the sun goes down. It's a great break and fun thing he likes to do. He ALSO takes along #'s 1 & 2 for the fun and festivities. Lucas gets to drive the golf cart for him and carter chases after his friends balls and throws them in sand pits and close by ponds... *grr*... but really people, what do you expect? This is CARTER we are talking about! Here are some pictures of the boys swinging some clubs and yelling FOUR!

Lucas:

and Carter:


Last week Joe announced that he didn't know if he would continue to bring the boys with him on fridays... I asked why... This was his response,

"Well, lucas was playing around on the golf cart and began to drive up a hill, when he realized he hadn't given it enuf gas I started to scream to him 'BREAK, BREAK'... he didn't break in time and the cart began to creep backwards... So what did lucas do??? He did an army bail out the side and let the cart drive backwards straight for the clubhouse... And then carter finished off his gatorade and his brothers so we took three trips to the bathroom... one time we didn't make it and I was left with a boy in wet pants... and besides that, amanda, if the boys keep being themselves, no one is going to want to go with me because carter keeps picking up their balls and moving them!"

In other news, my brother ryan has moved close by for some military training for the next few years and we are so excited to have him. He had a little over a week off to look for an apartment so we had lots of time to hang out and watch THE OFFICE... (our favorite!) He is a great uncle! I always wonder how someone single reacts to crazy loud boys running at full throttle all day long... if it bothered him, it didn't show.... Thanks ryan for all your help!


--Uncle Ryan reading to Jax and Cart

And lastly... Joe and I were asked to give talks this last week. We had two weeks notice... WHICH IS ALWAYS NICE!! because it gives you a chance to really sit and think about the topic you are given and be prayerful and fully prepared on the subject at hand. So i read, prayed, typed, and got my talk prepped and ready to go. I was ready! Sunday morning rolled around and went pretty well... As well as any sunday morning goes. So far, so good. Joe and I both prepared for about 12 minutes each. We both agreed we would talk slowly to allow us to end exactly at the right time. As a gentleman Joe allowed me to go first. I began my talk fine... but realized I needed to clear my throat, so I tried to do the ladylike thing and quietly clear my throat to the side so i could continue... but the tickle just got worst... I did a quick swallow as I was coming to the close and suddenly got a terrible tickle in my throat... OH NO!! So I am trying to hold it in but my eyes are watering and i can barely talk... Perhaps to those in the congregation I just looked very moved about my testimony...!! But it was getting worse with every word I tried to speak... so i quickly closed and quickly left the chapel so i could properly clear my throat and get some water. Poor joe was left with a much longer time frame!! But he did wonderful and I'm grateful he could pull it all together... I'm just glad I won't have to give another talk for another year or so.... YAY!!!!!

Are You Ready To Have Children???

I got a call from my sister in law, kim, laughing so hard I could barely understand her... she heard this on the radio and thought of ME!! How Kind???? Read and see for yourself if this is pretty accurate.... TOO FUNNY!!!

ARE YOU READY TO HAVE CHILDREN?

Mess Test
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.


Toy Test
Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego's. (If Lego's are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)



Feeding Test
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.



Dressing Test
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.



Grocery Store Test
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.



Night Test
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 - 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 P.M. begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 P.M. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 P.M. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 A.M. Set alarm for 5:00 A.M. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.



Physical Test (Women)
Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.



Physical Test (Men)
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.



Final Assignment
Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

The Mall... Why Do i Do this to myself????

This morning i got up and decided..."it would be fun to go to the mall today..." Lucas (who is my easiest by far and never complains) was spending the night with a cousin and I thought..."hmmm, only two children to keep up with... why not?!"

Halfway from the middle of nowhere (where i have decided i will live out the rest of this millennium) I get a text from joe about a surprise party at 7 tonight (for his broker's wife)... which is also code for "i will need you to bring in some clothes for me"... Since I am 15 minutes from my final destination and 30 from my original departure i decided that we can just buy clothes for the cost of my extra travel time/sanity. Or maybe he could just tell his broker... "i couldn't get in contact with my wife so we can't make it..." (i am putting this in because it comes into play again later in my story)

We get to the mall, Carter is wearing flip flops... (why do i even put him in shoes because flip flops stay on .5 seconds of the time he is suppose to wear them) we search for them in the van, that i could've sworn i just cleaned out two days ago, but it doesn't look it. We find them and enter the mall. Recently our mall began renting out single and double strollers in the shape of police cars and firetrucks... very cute and enticing to my boys, but you get them the same way you get a cart at the airport to help with baggage... you put the money in the machine and roll out the stroller. Well, without realizing it I accidentally paid for the single and not the double... -$5 already... but i can't shop without a stroller so i go to the other cart and put in $7 to get ANOTHER STROLLER...

We get to the first shop and OFCOURSE..."I have to go to the bathroom" rings in my ear from my sweet #2. So we leave the store and go to the family restroom with my massive stroller, and carter goes to the bathroom... I hate public bathrooms... they are unsanitary... the acoustics's are terrible when your three yr. old..asks embarrassing questions while you are tryng to use the bathroom....let's just say...I've had more shinning moments in my life... So Carter uses the bathroom and we are off to another store.

I find a great pair of clunky shoes for $6 and go to pay for my happy find and carter yells... "I have to go to the bathroom!!" I felt confident in telling him to hold it because not even 20 min had passed since we visited the family bathroom clear on the other side of the mall. So I wait in line... and wait.... and wait while carter screams he needs to use the bathroom. By the time I make it to the register to pay I ask the lady if possibly carter could use their bathroom in the back.... FOR MY LITTLE THREE YEAR OLDS SAKE... PLEASE! she says no, so i pay for my shoes and race down the mall in my MASSIVE FIRETRUCK STROLLER and make it as far as motherhood... (I KNOW THEY HAVE A BATHROOM THERE)... I race by the lady and say "i just need your bathroom" I pull carter out and tell him to... hurry, hurry b/c i don't have an extra pair of clothes AND WE NOW HAVE A PARTY TO ATTEND TONIGHT... He runs into the bathroom while i wait outside (there is no way my fire vehicle of a stroller will fit in a bathroom the size of my linen closet) and comes out the door with his pants a quarter of the way down, I thought he had gone and was just trying to pull his pants back up....WRONG!! i grab the waist of his pants to help him pull them back up and he says "no mommy... I gotta go!!" so as i touch his pants i realize THEY ARE SOAKED, and then I check the floor for what i was hoping wasn't the case... sure enuf.. there was a sea of yellow all over the motherhood bathroom floor... AHHHHHHH!!! Luckily i had an extra pair of underware in my purse...I tell him to strip down and put on the underware, I mop up the floor with a wipe, get a plastic bag to put the soaked shorts in and now i'm off to a store to buy a new outfit for my sweet little guy...that is now shortsless... So i am pushing my massive stroller, with jaxon (and a gatorade smile) trying to stand up and carter who is now trying to stand up and surf the stroller while i yell and scream in a whisper to "SIT DOWN SO WE DON'T LOOK LIKE W.T.!!!" to my shortsless wonder running around in little red roos and a binkie (because ofcourse we haven't gotten rid of that either...) I can only imagine what the other mothers are thinking because it would be the same things i think when i see other mothers doing what I am doing... (SHAME ON ME!)

We get to the children's clothing store, i find a pair of shorts and of course must get a matching pair for jaxon.... once i pay i immediately yank the tags off and dress carter while standing in the stroller in front of the cash register... At this point in time I really could care less who sees me or what they think...

Then i look at the clock and realize it's 130 and neither boy has had lunch... THEY MUST BE STARVING... we hit the bell in the food court... wait in line 8 min just to get to the front and carter yells... I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM... i don't even ask questions.. i'm off to the bathroom for the third time in an hour and a half... luckily i was only 200 yards away and i could run a sprint instead of the marathon i'd been traveling. The family restroom is taken and has a line forming... i try to fit the MASSIVE STROLLER into the door of the non family public restroom... NO GOOD! So i leave out front with all my belongings and i try to drag carter out w/o realizing the belt is still on him so i am now dragging the boat of a stroller and #3 along while i try to break carter free of the this beast... quickly i unbuckle cart and jax, race to the closest toilet practically throw carter on the toilet in order to avoid another mess with the bathroom door still open... LIKE I CARE IF ANYONE SEES US NOW! and leave... and carter screams.. i have to wash my hands.. i tell him no, i have soap in my purse and he can bath in purell when we get home... between him and his brother sucking on the handlebars at walmart the swine flu is inevitable and no amount of hand washing is going to help us there!

By now i have resigned myself to the fact that we are going to miss the party and told joe to tell his broker... I can't make it to town today... when who do i run into in the food court??? Joe's broker and his wife... PERFECT!!! now my day is shot... I am hot and sweating... my mood has been broken, shredded and i will need massive amounts of plastic surgery if i ever want to show my face in this town again!! and i'm ready to go home... I park my massive boat of a stroller into the corral and make my way to the car only to realize carter has lost BOTH shoes.... so i am carrying two children under both arms potato sack style and 4 store bags... to keep from the tears I think with sweat dripping off my nose... and with a sniffle to hold back my hysterics from all the people who are watching me (and probably pointing and laughing, but i'm too tired to look up and "communicate with them via sign language")i drag my screaming children from the mall shoesless and looking like complete W.T. and think to myself... THIS WOULD BE GREAT TO BLOG ABOUT....

A Day At The Grocery Store

This post goes directly out to every mother who has had to take their children to the grocery store. I avoid doing this like the plague... I have a certain time frame during the day that is best to load up the car and take allll the boys with me... if I miss that time frame I am more likely to work with what i have in my pantry, or go out to eat instead of facing grocery shopping with the boys. MOTHERS, PLEASE TELL ME YOU FEEL MY PAIN!!




If at this time you are saying to yourself, "Self, I don't have any earthy idea what she is talking about? Doesn't like taking her children to the grocery store? INSANE! I LOVE IT!".... then you have been blessed. I on the other hand, would rather do many torturous things besides this... (like have bamboo shoots shot behind my fingernails, for example).

A typical day at the grocery store begins with me unbuckling Jaxon from his carseat and Carter jumping out of his seat and taking off for the front seat where i usually have gum or something he can dump...(like juice). So I begin by speaking quietly and calmly because i have resolved myself that this trip will be different and I will speak calmly and rationally the whole time. We get into the store and I get all the boys situated.. Carter is beg to get a bit older so I have recently begun allowing him to walk along side the buggy and not sit in the back (besides it gives me more room to fill up the back). Our journey begins with me looking at my list and deciding to get toiletries first... After I have soap, toilet paper and maybe even some shaving cream the cries to go and see the fish begin. I don't try to keep my boys from doing fun things, but if i take them to see the fish that is 15 min i loose before a melt down begins...so we press on.




Lucas says after shopping for 7 min, "are we done? b/c my legs are about to fall off!" I again CALMLY say no and hit the baby isle for baby food, sippy cups and 4 more packs of binkies (because I can't seem to hold onto more than 2 at any given time). By now carter is running thru the clothes and a woman has even been so kind as to return my sweet little one to me without me even realizing he has been gone for 2 seconds while i load diapers into the buggy. So calmly, but forcefully, i tell the boys, "boys, please don't leave the buggy, mommy doesn't want to loose you." they say yes ma'am, I smile because today is going better than others and move to the milk... I tackle the dairy section without much problem and think.. "hey, we are doing okay today." We even get to chips, cereal and baking goods... Then comes the cracker isle. Besides the millions of items the boys want to eat and just have to have..., "Carter has helped himself to a box of fruit snacks (i guess we are buying that kind today!) And Jaxon has lost his cool so I am frantically opening a package of gold fish to sedate the little guy. (yes i am one of those mother's who feed her children while shopping in the store).




So just to recap all that has happened thus far, carter has dumped juice in the car, I lost carter in 30 seconds flat, Lucas' legs are about to fall off, and we now have half a pack of gold fish gone, not because jaxon has eaten all of them, but because we now have a trail of gold fish following us from the cracker isle. By now I'm flustered.. my face is red, i'm hot, i'm irritated and carter decides to run to the next isle.. of course i can't let him run off... there are all sorts of crazies out there.. so I take 5 steps from the buggy to grap him and BOOM jax is on the floor. YOU HEARD IT... my little jaxon has managed to wiggle himself out of those seat belts that don't hold worth a darn, stood up and decided to make a swan dive face first onto the dirty walmart floor, %!@*... while lucas says..."Jaxon, why are you on the floor, buddy?" -even though he watched the whole thing unfold. Jaxon, my dramatic child of course is taking 30 second inhales between screams to really let me have it, and everyone in the store (including those in hunting and game) are looking around wondering why in the world amanda would bring her children to the grocery store?!?!!? Hasn't that girl learned her lesson??!?!?!!

I check to make sure he is okay and more than anything...now he's just mad. I turn the corner to the Canned Food Isle and who do I run into but *betty who lives down the street... (*name has been changed to protect the innocent), there's no avoiding her. if so, you know you'll be the conversation of the old ladies who live on your street and we can't have that... "oh, hi betty.(i hear mostly the sound that you hear when the teacher speaks on charlie brown, wah, wah, wahhh) Yes, yes, I'm fine, and you? How's your mother doing? (wah, wah) Oh, yes they are growing up so fast (referring to my boys)" and just as she begins to say they are too cute for words Jaxon begins to dump gold fish and carter is now throwing things out of the buggy at sweet little old betty... She smiles and acts as if it was okay... I quickly apologize and insist i move on before more emotional damage is done to my neighborhood reputation.. "no wonder her children's toys are laying all over their yard... those people are heathens!" is what she's thinking, i'm sure!


**as a side note, if i do see you in the grocery store, please don't think i am being unfriendly or avoiding you to be rude. I am avoiding you, just because if i stay and chat.. my children are likely to begin throwing produce at you and i am loosing valuable time and i want to leave and get home ASAP**

So now that i am the laughing stock of my street, DHR will be contacting my for loosing a child and letting another fall out of the buggy, and the call on the intercom for the "CLEAN UP OF GOLD FISH ON ISLES 5-9" i decide i will need to make due with what i have and I'M OUTTA HERE! How do mother duck's do it.. they make it seem so easy... =)




So we go to check out, carter begins to grab gum and shove as many pieces into his mouth (paper and all) before i can swipe his mouth clean (with my hands that have been touching a gross walmart buggy, but it's either that or the hymlick later on...) Lucas thinks all the little fall apart toys are so amazing and he "really NEEDS one, pretty please, pretty please pretty please!!" By now I am not speaking calmly, rationally, or even quietly... I am yelling, "LUCAS, STAND NEXT TO THE BUGGY AND STOP TOUCHING! CARTER SPIT THAT CANDY BAR OUT NOW (where mommy?), ON THE FLOOR!!" and jaxon, who hasn't learned his lesson, is trying to climb onto the convey er belt and punch all the numbers as i try to input my pin for my debit for the 4th time because i can't remember the number due to the lack of sanity running thru my brain!!




I get home, lucas unloads the groceries, both boys are in bed, and I just stand there... WHAT AN HOUR!! And as joe comes home and opens the fridge and says, "uh didn't you just go to the grocery store, why don't we have a full fridge?" It's all i can do to not burst into tears and say.."BECAUSE YOUR CHILDREN WOULDN'T LET ME FINISH MY GROCERY SHOPPING!!"