babies, babies, babies

I have had an inner battle that has gone on for the last year and half. To have a baby or not have a baby... that is the question. I have good reason...my sanity being top on the list and others more on the selfish side, like all the hard work i have done to lose weight. Joe has been begging me for another for some time and that doesn't help the war waging on in my mind. A MOTHER OF FOUR?? it's almost 1:30 here and i still haven't showered for the day... GEEZ!

It consumes my thoughts atleast a few times a day. I have tried getting angry, sad, analytical, defiant... but it's no use. The feeling that another baby is waiting to come to our family is evident... AND I KNOW IT!

Last week I sat down with joe and asked for his real reason for wanting another. I don't want to hear... because maybe it will be a girl (cuz that's all up to mr. XY ANYWAYS), and not because he'd like to have another baby to smash (cuz you can pick those up during any meeting at church and give them back once the huggies start to smell)... but i wanted to know a REAL reason. Now for those who know my sweet hubs, he doesn't usually get too "churchy" on me so when he says something in that nature i tend to lean in a bit closer to hear what's going on in the ol ticker.

"I JUST FEEL LIKE WE HAVE A GOOD FAMILY. BABIES ARE BEING BORN EVERY DAY TO PEOPLE THAT DON'T CARE FOR THEM. WE ARE GOOD PARENTS, EVEN IF WE DO LOSE OUR COOL AND GET FRUSTRATED AND FEEL LIKE WE ARE GOING CRAZY. WE CAN AFFORD ANOTHER CHILD, AND WE HAVE LOVE FOR ANOTHER CHILD. THERE ARE CHILDREN WAITING TO COME TO GOOD FAMILIES... AND WE ARE ONE OF THEM!"

--aw man!! i hate it when he has a good answer that i can't come back with a rebuttal.--

The truth of the matter is, i do have good pregnancies, great births, and tho i joke of losing my mind... WHO DOESN'T FEEL THAT WAY!... i would be a rich girl indeed if i had a penny for every woman out there who says as she watches my babies ...'THEY GROW UP SO FAST...IT SEEMS LIKE MINE WERE JUST THAT LITTLE YESTERDAY'... and i know they are telling the truth. My babies will grow up, begin school, ask to spend the weekends with friends instead of me and find a woman that will steal their heart, marry, and be more important than me (which is ok, that's how i will raise them to think)... and then i will have all the time in the world to watch the price is right, sew quilts, take up tennis, and read all the books in the world. What's 20 yrs if you look at the big picture anyways. I'll tell you... IT'S NOTHING. But the children you have will be yours forever, FAMILIES ARE FOREVER!!...

So i guess my mind is made up. I'm not saying I will have another baby tomorrow, rather I will no longer look, think, or talk like my world would come to an end when the mention of having another baby comes. I loved this trailer of the new movie coming out... I can't wait to go and see it!