The Mall... Why Do i Do this to myself????

This morning i got up and decided..."it would be fun to go to the mall today..." Lucas (who is my easiest by far and never complains) was spending the night with a cousin and I thought..."hmmm, only two children to keep up with... why not?!"

Halfway from the middle of nowhere (where i have decided i will live out the rest of this millennium) I get a text from joe about a surprise party at 7 tonight (for his broker's wife)... which is also code for "i will need you to bring in some clothes for me"... Since I am 15 minutes from my final destination and 30 from my original departure i decided that we can just buy clothes for the cost of my extra travel time/sanity. Or maybe he could just tell his broker... "i couldn't get in contact with my wife so we can't make it..." (i am putting this in because it comes into play again later in my story)

We get to the mall, Carter is wearing flip flops... (why do i even put him in shoes because flip flops stay on .5 seconds of the time he is suppose to wear them) we search for them in the van, that i could've sworn i just cleaned out two days ago, but it doesn't look it. We find them and enter the mall. Recently our mall began renting out single and double strollers in the shape of police cars and firetrucks... very cute and enticing to my boys, but you get them the same way you get a cart at the airport to help with baggage... you put the money in the machine and roll out the stroller. Well, without realizing it I accidentally paid for the single and not the double... -$5 already... but i can't shop without a stroller so i go to the other cart and put in $7 to get ANOTHER STROLLER...

We get to the first shop and OFCOURSE..."I have to go to the bathroom" rings in my ear from my sweet #2. So we leave the store and go to the family restroom with my massive stroller, and carter goes to the bathroom... I hate public bathrooms... they are unsanitary... the acoustics's are terrible when your three yr. old..asks embarrassing questions while you are tryng to use the bathroom....let's just say...I've had more shinning moments in my life... So Carter uses the bathroom and we are off to another store.

I find a great pair of clunky shoes for $6 and go to pay for my happy find and carter yells... "I have to go to the bathroom!!" I felt confident in telling him to hold it because not even 20 min had passed since we visited the family bathroom clear on the other side of the mall. So I wait in line... and wait.... and wait while carter screams he needs to use the bathroom. By the time I make it to the register to pay I ask the lady if possibly carter could use their bathroom in the back.... FOR MY LITTLE THREE YEAR OLDS SAKE... PLEASE! she says no, so i pay for my shoes and race down the mall in my MASSIVE FIRETRUCK STROLLER and make it as far as motherhood... (I KNOW THEY HAVE A BATHROOM THERE)... I race by the lady and say "i just need your bathroom" I pull carter out and tell him to... hurry, hurry b/c i don't have an extra pair of clothes AND WE NOW HAVE A PARTY TO ATTEND TONIGHT... He runs into the bathroom while i wait outside (there is no way my fire vehicle of a stroller will fit in a bathroom the size of my linen closet) and comes out the door with his pants a quarter of the way down, I thought he had gone and was just trying to pull his pants back up....WRONG!! i grab the waist of his pants to help him pull them back up and he says "no mommy... I gotta go!!" so as i touch his pants i realize THEY ARE SOAKED, and then I check the floor for what i was hoping wasn't the case... sure enuf.. there was a sea of yellow all over the motherhood bathroom floor... AHHHHHHH!!! Luckily i had an extra pair of underware in my purse...I tell him to strip down and put on the underware, I mop up the floor with a wipe, get a plastic bag to put the soaked shorts in and now i'm off to a store to buy a new outfit for my sweet little guy...that is now shortsless... So i am pushing my massive stroller, with jaxon (and a gatorade smile) trying to stand up and carter who is now trying to stand up and surf the stroller while i yell and scream in a whisper to "SIT DOWN SO WE DON'T LOOK LIKE W.T.!!!" to my shortsless wonder running around in little red roos and a binkie (because ofcourse we haven't gotten rid of that either...) I can only imagine what the other mothers are thinking because it would be the same things i think when i see other mothers doing what I am doing... (SHAME ON ME!)

We get to the children's clothing store, i find a pair of shorts and of course must get a matching pair for jaxon.... once i pay i immediately yank the tags off and dress carter while standing in the stroller in front of the cash register... At this point in time I really could care less who sees me or what they think...

Then i look at the clock and realize it's 130 and neither boy has had lunch... THEY MUST BE STARVING... we hit the bell in the food court... wait in line 8 min just to get to the front and carter yells... I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM... i don't even ask questions.. i'm off to the bathroom for the third time in an hour and a half... luckily i was only 200 yards away and i could run a sprint instead of the marathon i'd been traveling. The family restroom is taken and has a line forming... i try to fit the MASSIVE STROLLER into the door of the non family public restroom... NO GOOD! So i leave out front with all my belongings and i try to drag carter out w/o realizing the belt is still on him so i am now dragging the boat of a stroller and #3 along while i try to break carter free of the this beast... quickly i unbuckle cart and jax, race to the closest toilet practically throw carter on the toilet in order to avoid another mess with the bathroom door still open... LIKE I CARE IF ANYONE SEES US NOW! and leave... and carter screams.. i have to wash my hands.. i tell him no, i have soap in my purse and he can bath in purell when we get home... between him and his brother sucking on the handlebars at walmart the swine flu is inevitable and no amount of hand washing is going to help us there!

By now i have resigned myself to the fact that we are going to miss the party and told joe to tell his broker... I can't make it to town today... when who do i run into in the food court??? Joe's broker and his wife... PERFECT!!! now my day is shot... I am hot and sweating... my mood has been broken, shredded and i will need massive amounts of plastic surgery if i ever want to show my face in this town again!! and i'm ready to go home... I park my massive boat of a stroller into the corral and make my way to the car only to realize carter has lost BOTH shoes.... so i am carrying two children under both arms potato sack style and 4 store bags... to keep from the tears I think with sweat dripping off my nose... and with a sniffle to hold back my hysterics from all the people who are watching me (and probably pointing and laughing, but i'm too tired to look up and "communicate with them via sign language")i drag my screaming children from the mall shoesless and looking like complete W.T. and think to myself... THIS WOULD BE GREAT TO BLOG ABOUT....